Once a watchman, Always a watchman...

This is my last night in the Upper Room as Watchman. To say I am a little emotional about it is quite an understatement. I'm going to attempt to explain what this position has and does mean to me.

First of all I want to dispute the assumption that this job is one that consists of only Xbox games and goofing off. These things have happened on occasion, but that's part of life - distractions. I'd like to say that I prayed for an hour or two every night, but not so. I'd like to say that I spent hours worshipping in song every night, but also not so. 

Neither is that a failure. As I reflect on the time I have been a watchman, (almost 4 years now), I realize that the things that were most important were things that most people would find foolish. Two things come to mind...

First - As a watchman you get the incredible opportunity to experience the discipline of solitude. This discipline is why I am who I am today. Without it the decisions I make throughout the ever day grind would be simply reactionary. Instead I am much more methodical and purpose driven in each situation I come across. Its in these moments of solitude that I reflect on past decisions and take note of how to practically become a better man and Christian. This makes the greatest commandments quite a bit easier to achieve. 

  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind..." - Luke 10:27a

This is the easier part of the law. To love the One who died for my punk ass screwed up self isn't really that difficult. I mean... He saved a wretch like me. Get it?! We are all wretched bastards undeserving of the greatest Love in the universe of universes. Yet, we still receive it freely by the phenomenal Grace of God.

"...and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself" Luke 10:27b

Now this is the part of the commandment where we are called by God to be like God and love the undeserving just as He has. He made great example of it on the cross and continues to show mercy by allowing us to experience that exact way of life through the Holy Spirit. It is only with the help of the Holy Spirit do we even have a chance of loving our neighbors as ourselves. Without His constant guidance we are selfish murderers with nothing to gain and everything to lose. Its when you give yourself away to help someone in need that we truly experience the love of Christ. For in this moment we find Christ at work within us. I'm mean WOW!!!  Does that not stir you?!

Second - As a watchman I have been able to be a great many things to many different people. All of them important. 

"To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all [men], that I might by all means save some" - I Cor. 9:22 

From praying for a woman in need of a pastoral type prayer at 4am when there are no pastors around, to spending quality time with the a bro, to being the only friend of a 400lb social outcast - these are my favorites. These are the things that make differences in peoples lives. Sermons, worship songs, and great sayings pail in comparison to the love of one person to another. Relationship - This is when we are living all these things out in real life. - This is true discipleship - A phone call at 3am from someone asking if they could just spill there guts to you or someone hanging out shooting the breeze just so they don't feel the loneliness for an hour or two.

This has been my heart and my life for the past 4 years. Of course I've screwed up just as much as anyone else. But one thing I will not concede is that I wasted precious time. I loved on people. This is my life. My goal. My greatest Passion. I am only able to love because HE FIRST LOVED ME.

Its the miraculous at work that I'm even able to love.

 - Justin Pickerel - Once a watchman, always a watchman...

Forgiveness

   My life has been very interesting lately. I've been reading a lot, listening to a lot of worship music and J.E.W. accompanied by a new workout routine!

  Friendships are more and more precious to me. And every friendship seems to have a 'glory' about it. God has just been tearing me up recently and I guess it has been showing up there too. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about how good I have it (even though I'm single ha ha). Jesus is amazing and I have a longing for Him again. There was a time not that long ago that the only feeling I had towards Christ was that of disregard. 

  It all changed while I was watching a movie (as these things often do!) Pay It Forward was the movie. I had never seen it before and caught up to it about halfway. I'm not going to ruin it for you if you haven't seen it but the end is killer. Anyway, I got towards the end and something happens in the movie that deals with forgiveness. And the Holy Spirit just whispered the words I FORGIVE YOU as this one character in the movie says them. I was obviously floored. Literally! I hit the floor and freaking lost it like everyone I had ever known just died. Convulsing.

   You see, I prayed only one prayer the previous 11 months (along with a ton of messing up my life, my way). That prayer was simple and had only been whispered about 10 days prior to this incident. The prayer was, "Bring me back. I don't care how. Just start me towards You."

    Its funny how we forget our prayers sometimes. But faithfully and thankfully He remembers!

"If we are faithless, He will remain faithful..."

God is ALWAYS listening. And He will remember...

 Kind of puts our own personal goals of revenge/bitterness into perpsective. Forgiveness is ours to give just as it is for us to receive. We are instruments of forgiveness. Let us all be like Christ.

...Lord, I love You with all I am. I long for You. I want to see You... I want to touch You and thank You in person for what You've done for me. You are the very definition of greatness. I will worship You for the rest of  my days...

...And my heart.. ... Burns

The Lyrics of the worship song that changed my life forever in 1996:

Obsession by Delirious

What can I do with my obsession?

With the things I cannot see

Is there madness in my being?

Is it wind that blows the trees?

Sometimes you're further than the moon

Sometimes you're closer than my skin

And you surround me like a winter fog

You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for you

And my heart burns

And I'm so filthy with my sin

I carry pride like a disease

You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing to be close

You burn me deeper than I know

I feel lonely without hope

I feel desperate without vision

You wrap around me like a winter coat

You come and free me like a bird

And my heart burns for you

And my heart burns for you

Written by Martin Smith 1995 Curious? Music UK

Yes... Ever since I made my decision to follow Christ this chorus has been true. The truth is when it hasn't felt like its burning the reason is simply sin-a sinful desire to fullfill the need for God with my own answers. This will not do. It does not satisfy. Have I finally reached the maturity in my life to no longer go back to my own desires or answers? I hope. Yet I doubt that day is near.

One thing I know-when I fully listen and put my life in His hands, my heart truly burns with passion for the things of God and love seems to soften my heart and mold my paradigm.

This is my desperate desire, my confession, my hope.

And my heart burns...

...For You...

Holy Folly

I'm about to finish a book by Os Guinness entitled 'The Call'. It has been a fantastic encouragement to me in my walk with Christ. I encourage all of you to read it! Here are some words that really hit me tonight while I was reading...
"Brethren, the tears of Christ overwhelm me with shame and fear and sorrow. I was playing out of doors in the street, while sentence of death was being passed upon me in the privacy of the royal council chamber. But the King's only-begotten son heard of it. And what did he do? He went forth from the palace, put off his diadem, covered himself with sackcloth, strewed ashes on his head, bared his feet, and wept and lamented because his poor slave was condemned to death. I meet him unexpectedly in this sad condition. I am astonished at the woeful change in him and inquire the cause. He tells me the whole story. What am I to do now? Shall I continue to play and make a mockery of his tears? Surely I am insane and devoid of reason if I do not follow him and unite my tears with his." - a sermon by Bernard of Clairvaux
"...Foolbearing is essential to calling because it positions us unmistakably before the world as a counterculture, antithetical to the world's very being. The church has always maintained a necessary tension between a world-affirming stance and a world-denying stance. Due to its extraordinary power, the modern world has swung the balance heavily toward the former. Hardly any Christians are world-denying these days... ...On every side we see Christians pursuing the rage for relevance, whether seeking respect of the 'cultured despisers' of the gospel, reaching out to the contemporary 'unchurched' with a ' user friendly' gospel, or just enjoying the comforts of the age. For many believers the Christian life is now the good life: It simply 'goes better with Jesus' even if there is no God and no Resurrection. The result is a series of adaptions of the Christian faith to modern man that are a capitulation with few rivals in two thousand years.
Against such attempts the holy fools stand as a weeping road block. In the gospel there is an antithesis to the world that we dare not relax, a cost to discipleship that we cannot waive, a challenge to obedience that we must not conceal, and a scandal to faith that we should never airbrush away. If loyalty to those truths puts us beyond the pale, so be it. Today's worldly wisdom that pronounces us mad will soon be tomorrow's outmoded theory. So long as our folly is truly the gospel and not our own delusion as simpletons, we will not be 'ignorantly ignorant' or 'unwisely unwise' but humble students in the school of Christ... ...Holy folly is a counter cultural stance. We are 'fools of love' in a relationship to Jesus, but in relation to the powers that be, we are radical insurrectionists."


In every page of this book I find a new challenge. It brings this challenge by the gospel in every minute of everyday and every subject of life to light in our present culture. Jesus' call becomes larger to me everyday as I realize the enormity and totality of the life of which I am to sacrifice to the cross in order to gain true salvation. Holy Spirit help me.

Intentionally Intentional

I have had a great last few months. God has been really dealing with me about some really great and hard subjects. Which is beautiful because its been a while...
Any subject that comes to my attention whether from a friend pointing it out, or the Holy Spirit showing it to me, or just of my own realization, I realize that living with a habit of intentional action is the answer. When I goof up it seems to be mostly out of moments where the spirit is not loud or at the forefront of my thought, and I am just going through life lackadaisically. I find that the more time I spend in solitude and silence the easier it becomes to be intentional during the mundane.
"Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind... ...Love your neighbor as yourself" This cannot be accomplished in the least without an intense and intentional state of mind. So my prayer today is that The Holy Spirit would guide me in constant understanding of how my action, or lack thereof, will help or hurt the goal found in this scripture.
I love Jesus with everything I am. Now, I am working on getting everything I am to love Jesus.